HI FRIENDS MISSING YOU ALL- WILL BE BACK

I don't know just what to do-
I'm lying alone, thinking of you
I have to go but I want you to know
That I will miss you so

'Cause I am moving away
And I wish that I could stay
And I just wanna say
That I'll be back again

Want you to know that wherever I am
Whatever I do, I'll be thinking of you
And I hope do you understand
That we are always gonna be friends

'Cause I am moving away
And I wish that I could stay
And I just wanna say
That I'll be back again

The day is coming, and I'm so scared
'Cause I'll be so lonely without you there
But I will be back again

--LYRICS OF GREEN MILLE

DDFM : 04-Dec-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - A) Friday Special

One Rich elderly man got married and everyone started talking that he could not make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to check the possibility

The doctor suggested him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day to have a sperm count done.The elderly man came back the next day but to the surprise,the specimen cup was empty.

Doctor Smiling awkwardly, "What was the problem? Why it is empty."

Elderly man replied, "Well, i tried with my right hand...couldnot.So, I tried with my left hand... couldnot.Then with both hands and couldnot

My wife tried with her right hand... couldnot.With her left hand... couldnot. Then with her mouth... couldnot.

Then my wife's friend who lives next door tried with Right hand, left hand and mouth....still couldnot.

Doctor really getting mad asked, “What!, you even tried with your wife’s friend too?”

Yes, but still couldn't get the lid off, so please give me another one which can be opened.

Moral : It is through your words your intentions are read. So make it clear. Manage them to avoid others misunderstanding you.

DDFM : 03-Dec-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - U)

One day Ramu was teaching his son English lessons.

His son asked, Dad what is the difference between “Anger and Annoyance”.

Thinking Practical lessons could help him understand better, he took his iphone and called a random number and asked his son to watch.Opposite site said “Hello, May I know who is this”.

Ramu said ”Hi Somu, where are you,I am still waiting for you. The movie would have started”. “Sorry, can you check the number,there is no one called Somu here”-Opposite side

Ramu said his son, Now you can see what anger is!

He called the same number and Said “Somu, still not yet left the house?. Idiot.We are going to miss the first scene!". “You Idiot I already said No Somu is here. Next time if you call this number I will kill you. Useless rogue”- opposite end

Ramu smiling at his son, Do you understand what anger is?. Now see what is annoyance.

Ramu dialled the same number and Said,” This is Somu, can you inform Ramu that I will not be able to come to Movie today?.....

!!!!!!@@@@@!!!!!!

Moral : There cannot be a best thing than to learn from your experiences. In general many learn from failures and fail to learn from Success. Dont leave them either.

DDFM : 01-Dec-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - U)

A Young man went to a doctor who is the best in the town.

Doctor had a thorough examination and was wondering at such a young age he contracted severe illness.

He said, “Young man, you have contracted severe illness. You shall give up drinking, Smoking, go to Bed early as well shall avoid sleeping with different woman”.

Doctor, I know that you are the best. But I think I don’t deserve the best one. Can you suggest the second choice!

Moral: Unless one prepare to give-up or accept the reason, he never tend to rectify

DDFM : 30-Nov-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - U)

Complains on over speeding were increasing too much in famous city

Traffic in-charge called all cops and ordered everyone to File 10 cases each day to get things in control

One cop found very hard and could finish his toll late in the duty hours.

While going back, he saw vehicle speeding up more than 80 and started chasing him.

The driver looking at police thought of escaping and further accelerated the vehicle.

Now it is 100, Police did not seem giving up

Crossed 120, still he was very close.

At-last the cop managed to make the driver to stop.

When cop checked, the driver was a little short guy and was looking quite funny.

To have some fun, cop said. “Hey I am tired of chasing you. You tell me a reason to convince why you were speeding up and I will leave you”.

Driver, being smart thought for a while and said…

“Sir, I am very sorry. Two days before my wife run away with a police officer. When I saw your car in the mirror, I thought it was that officer and trying to give her back to me.”

You can go….replied the officer.

!!!!!!@@@@@!!!!!!

Moral: What 'was' is no more, what 'if' is just 'if' and What ‘Can’ is shall be Done. One shall develop the Attitude to first feel he can do it.

DDFM : 27-Nov-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - A) Friday Special

There was grand father and his grandson who always bet for everything

One day they were busy in their garden trimming the plants.

Grandson saw a long earthworm dead nearby a hole.

Grandson said, ”Grandpa, I bet I will put this worm back into hole”. Grandpa replies “ I bet five dollars, I have lot of failure experience in this” with great sadness.

Grandson brings a Hair Setting spray, spray it on Worm as long as it became straight and inserted into the whole.

Struck with the intelligence of the grandson he handed over 5 dollars. With great smile he took the hair spray and went in.

After 30 minutes he came back and hand over another 5 dollars.

But grandpa, you already gave me the 5 dollars.—Grandson.

No this one is from your Grandma.

Moral : When something comes our way we should consider how it might be useful or benefit us.

Proverb : The impossible is often the untried.

English Proverb

DDFM : 26-Nov-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - U)

Once a famous shop’s owner made good profits and decided make his clients happy.

He put a notice in the evening showing “BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE, and Offer valid from 9 to 10 A.M tomorrow”

More people saw this and news spread everywhere.

Next day morning, there was long queue since morning 7.30A.M and became restless after 30 minutes. Everyone wanted to get in first and get the best out of the deal.

Big Quarrels started and became quite noisy there.

Around 9.00, there was big push here and there as one tall and stout man wanted to bypass and go to front. Everyone tried to stop him even though his looks were fearful and he was not ready to give up.

This went quite long and it was almost 9.30. That tall man at last could not succeed and went to other corner giving up the fight.

He yelled at crowd “It is already 9.30 and If you don’t allow me to open the shop, Discount time will be over. So you all decide”

!!!!!!@@@@@!!!!!!

Moral: When expectation grows boundless, madness also grows together.

DDFM : 25-Nov-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - U)

There was a man with great humour sense with average looks and a beautiful and rich young woman fell in love with him. When her parents met him, they got shocked to see him with kind of swollen duck back

They cannot reject their daughter’s wish and get them married.However they cannot accept what had happened

Everyday her mother has the practice of hugging and kissing her in cheeks

While doing so she always teases her Son-in-Law, ”Such a skinny, beautiful girl has got a duck-back husband”. Her daughter cries inside but could not stop her mother.

As a matured man, he ignored the insults and his love towards his wife increased.

The newly married went to Honey moon and while driving they met with an accident.

Wife’s face got burnt and needed a plastic surgery. Being skinny, doctor cannot find anywhere the right skin for grafting.

At last doctor found out a right option from her husband.

But everyone agreed not to reveal from where the skin was taken.

Once they returned home, his Mother-in-law invited them and found her daughter’s face was looking better which turned chubby.

Next time onwards, whenever her mother used to kiss her cheeks and tease about his ugly duck-back, she cannot stop from laughing aloud.

!!!!!!@@@@@!!!!!!

Moral: The best way to get rid of insults is to ignore them.

Proverb: No revenge is more honourable than the one not taken

English Proverb

DDFM : 24-Nov-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - U)

There was an interview for New Police officers recruit in CBI.

Chief called the Interview panel members and said “Tomorrow my Nephew is attending the interview. I want him selected”.

On the First day they had written examinations, next day Group discussion and third day being the oral interview.

Being below average, his nephew suffered a lot to clear his first two levels of examinations.

However to have good aggregate marks the interview panel decided to ask simple questions in the oral interview.

-What is the capital of India

After some thought, he strikes the correct answer

- Good, keep going

-Who is the Prime minister of India

Feeling better he replied ,”Manmohan singh”

Good.

Now the panel bit confident asked a tougher than before

-Tell us who killed Indira Gandhi

Feeling happy, the guy asked for sometime.

Being the chief’s nephew, they said ”Ok comeback and tell us”

He went to chief to say thanks

Chief asked how interview went on

He said, “Yes Uncle. I got selected and already they assigned me the probe of someone’s assassination”

!!!!!!@@@@@!!!!!!

Moral: Having a right person, is a job half done

DDFM : 23-Nov-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - U)

Ramu and Somu are thick friends. Even though they are good friends, they disagree to each other beliefs and mostly have arguments.

Last time they had a debate on Existence of Genie.Ramu said it exists and Somu said it doesnot.

Somu went to his village and they did not meet for a week.

After Somu returned they met at Ramu’s house. Somu was looking quite uneasy this time. There was something cylindrical protruding out of his ass and looked quite awkward

As a great surprise, Somu agreed to the belief of Ramu that Genie exists. Ramu being Puzzled asked “Did you see a genie”.

Yes, I found an old lamp at the loft of my Village house. It was pretty but covered with lot of dust.I cleaned it, but I did not notice a genie coming out.

I heard a voice, “My Lord, you released me and what do you need”

Thinking that someone was making fun out of me, I said “No Shit”.

Moral: Pain (Failure) is the result of Ignorance, be alertful

Proverb: Who spits against the wind, spits in his own face.

French Proverb

DDFM : 20-Nov-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - A)

In a hot summer,a couple was watching TV news.
They got afraid to listen that a Notorious criminal Escaped from Prison and is wandering in their area.
After the dinner, they changed to their skimpy Nightgowns and went to bed.

Hearing some noise, they smelled some stranger got into the house.

As worried, it was the man seen on TV.

With the Pistol, criminal could easily manage to tie both of them in the bed.

Smiling awkwardly at the husband, he approached the very beautiful woman,went close to her ears and whispered.
She became pale. She showed him the way to toilet.

Quite nervous and sensing what he must have demanded, her husband hissed to her and said,

-Honey we heard he is quite Notorious.
I am damn sure, he must have not seen any woman for many years.
So dont say No to ANYTHING. If he goes for IT, dont resist.
Pretend that you like it to the most.

Honey, wont you feel hurt doing like that?- wife
No honey, it is the matter of life and death -husband

Hearing this wife sighed in relief
'Thank God..
Honey, he told me that he had never seen such a hot guy with a perfect body like you in Prison. So get ready....

#######@@@@@!!!!!!!!!!

Moral : To be a successful leader, he shall think first whether he will do which he expect from his followers.

Proverb : Thala valiyum,Pal valiyum thanakku vantha thaan theriyum----Tamil Proverb
(Only who suffers the Head ache and Tooth ache, knows it agony)

DDFM : 12-Nov-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - U)

A Chinese walked into a bar in Hollywood
To his surprise he saw his dream man, Steven Spielberg.
He rushed over and asked for his autograph.

Spielberg who was boozing to his upper limits said, "No way. You Chinese attacked our naval base in Pearl Harbor."

Astonished Chinese replied, "Sorry sir you are mistaken,It wasn't the Chinese who attacked Pearl Harbor. It was the Japanese".
Spielberg replied, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese; no difference!"

The Chinese felt hurt and retorted, "Then i too dont need your autograph as a relative of yours sank the Titanic and My grandma was on that ship."

With all the effects of boozing lost,the shocked Spielberg replied, " Are you mad,It was an iceberg that sank the ship and not my relative."

The Chinese said, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg; No difference!"


Moral : Be careful.When you dont like something happening to you, never do it to others....

Friends; In my opinion,Morals were carried in forms of Proverbs to generations from olden days.
It was made in such a way that they easily stay in the minds....
So whenever i get some, let me add them

--------> Basurang itinapon mo, babalik sa iyo"
(The garbage you throw away will return to you--- Filipino proverb)

DDFM : 10-Nov-2009 -- (DD's Certificate U)

Two close friends John and Marcus were having lunch together
John was about to leave on an official tour next day.

Marcus seemed to be more thoughtful.
John could understand that he is more confused in buying a gift for his wife's birthday.

Since Marcus's wife love music,they decided to buy a piano.

John returned from his trip a week later and enquired about the gift.

Marcus told him, " There was a problem,I changed the Piano and bought her a flute"
But,What was the problem to her, It is the best in the category - this is john

Marcus said "She didnot have any problem, I only had"
"While playing Flute, she cannot sing"

!!!!!!@@@@###

Moral : Everyone Makes mistakes,but intelligent one rectifies them.

DDFM : 09-Nov-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - U)

A three-year-old boy was waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He saw a pregnant lady who is having her due in few days.

Feeling something different he walked to her.
He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby.."

With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
This time she was quite amused since she was talking about the baby and said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."

But with a more surprised and shocked look, he asked, "Then why did you eat him??"


Today's Moral : There is always second logic than yours,try to set the frequency match in a discussion.

DDFM : 06-Nov-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - A)

A priest offered a lift to a Nun.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, Father, remember Psalm 129?
The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, Father, remember Psalm 129?

The priest apologized Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”

Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.


Today's Moral : If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

DDFM : 05-Nov-2009 -- (DD's Certificate - U)

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

Being a lady the admin clerk could not resist and rubs it
To their surprise a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, I'll give each of you just one wish and it shall be different from other

Thinking that she could miss right preference, Me first! Me first! says the admin clerk.
I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.
Poof! She's gone.

Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep.
I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.
Poof! He's gone.

The manager was staring at the genie with malice
Could not be waiting any more the genie said 'OK, your chance,
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office, after lunch.'


Today's Moral: Always let your boss has the first say
(Additional note, Boss also applies to YOUR wife)

DDFM : 04-Nov-2009 -- (DD's Certificate U)

John and Paula, had just finished tucking their young ones into bed one evening
They heard crying coming from the children's room.

Rushing in, they found Tom crying hysterically.
He had accidentally swallowed a 5 pence piece and was sure he was going to die.

No amount of talking could change his mind.
Trying to calm him, Chris palmed a 5pence coin that he happened to have in his pocket
He then pretended to remove it through Tommy's ear.

Tom, naturally was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully "Do it again, Dad!"

!!!!!!@@@@###

Today's Moral : Never act Over smart when you are in trouble

DDFM - 03Nov09 --(Certificate-U)

One man lived his whole life just for earning money all time.
He didnot spend a penny to anyone including his wife.

Once he fell very sick and everyone of his relative were waiting for his demise to plunder his money

However his wife who spent the whole life with him still was very sad since he did not spend money to treat his illness.

One day he called his wife and said 'i dont think i will survive.
But i dont want to leave my wealth as it is my whole life.
Put every penny i earned in a big box and keep it in my coffin'.
"Forget not to leave even a single penny"

Hearing this every relative was tensed.

He died next day and as promised his nice wife put a big box with all his money and buried with him

Her cousin asked, Did you put all money in that?
Yes, I swear-She replied
Are you a fool?Why did you do this?--Her cousin
See, i love him a lot and i wanted to keep the promise.

You know,I collected all his money,Since it cannot accommodate in the box, i put all in my bank account.
I wrote and kept cheque for all money in the Box

####!!!!!!

Moral : When you dont satisfy with what you have, you will never till death.

Proverb : Podhum endra manamae, pon seiyum marundhu -- Tamil proverb
Unless you feel contented with what you have, you will never feel enough.